Dear Miss J,
Please can you give Jake's homework directly to me from now on. We all know the truth. Let's stop the pretence, the smoke and mirrors and just tell it like it is.
I think you'll be very pleased with my, er Jake's poster on 'the gases around us'. Did you know that air is the most common gas and that the air in my, er- sorry, Jake's bedroom weighs about fifty kg? Did you like my drawing of a helium balloon and the picture of a can of coke - fizzy drinks contains carbon dioxide in case you didn't know.
I got a bit stuck on maths this week. Had to get the calculator out a few times. That's cheating, right? Sorry, miss...I'll try harder next time. You see miss, we're all so tired after a long day at work/school/home and the nights are dark and Ella, Louis and Theo are so noisy and disruptive and by the time they settle in bed it's quarter to eight and I can't think straight and neither can Jake. And it just feels really tough to have to start on an hour's homework when all we really want to do is bask in the silence, have a bit of pleasant one on one time without having to fall out over impossible fractions and decimal points.
The thing is Miss J, Jake's nine. A typical nine year old boy. He's a bright but probably could do better. He's easily distracted, fidgety and hasn't really found his 'thing' yet. He wants to be out playing with his mates in the den they've made round the corner. It saddens me to say that I've never had to tell him off for reading late into the night with a torch under the duvet. He's not like his cousins who spend every spare moment at dance classes, winning scholerships and trophies and yet still manage to come top of the class.
I worry about him. I've already labelled him a bit, isn't that awful? My darling, clever, bright, funny boy who's just nine and can name every flag in the world and who knows more about sharks and wildlife than anyone I know struggles with his homework, has really scruffy writing and can't seem to get his head around full stops and commas.
So I think I'm going to step aside for a bit, just as far as homework is concerned. The battles are just too painful. And like I said, he's only nine.
Thanks for listening (I think you're brilliant, by the way).